Did you ever get the feeling that you're happy but not contented? Did you ever get the feeling that you're contented but not happy?
I did! And I experienced both. This year seems to be a very adventurous one. Let me tell you how I got these.
I am happy with my job. But sadly, not with my boss. My job fits my creativeness and mental ability to solve problems on the spot. Yes, I'm bragging about it. You can't develop creativeness and problem solving with only math and science. You also need experience. And it took me 4 years to get that.
Yes, I am totally not happy with my boss and this affects my job productivity. I directly report to him and I do whatever he says. So, that kinda sucks..... Imagine how he uses his power to manipulate how you want to go with your career. Where's your decision on that? The one that should be driving your career should be your own self. But I don't know with his case. I feel that way and never understood his intentions. What I just understood is that he wants me out of his way. So I'm giving him what he wants.
Earlier this year, I was very anxious to get a job in Singapore. I spent my vacation for a week in the said country. At first, I was very dazzled by how clean and how orderly things seem to be. How I find some things that are cheap and some very expensive.
Thursday... It was the day my friend and I went to watch "Songs of the seas" together with our office mate and his family. While waiting for the show to start, my friend and I were watching others digging into their snacks, buying food and munching them like they were hungry wolves, while for us, we were just staring and feeling our stomach growling. We didn't buy since we only have a few bucks left. That's when it came to my mind that we really needed get a job in Singapore to be able to afford a luxurious vacation, that includes, a lot of money to buy whatever things we want and the stuff that we needed. We were talking in vernacular thinking that the Filipino that was sitting with us in the same table didn't understand us, but to our amazement, he did! He offered us some of the food that he bought in the food cart. How embarrassing could that be!?! As we were drowned with the feeling of shame, we politely refused the offered food and got out immediately. We then laughed hard and talked to our colleague about it. He was laughing crazy and told us that he offered us food but we didn't take any. We were so ashamed and I thought to myself, that I should really get a high paying job. That way, we won't be talking about how starved and how lowly we are, that we can't buy anything to eat.
On that same week, since it was really part of the plan to do a job hunt while we were there, we did spent some ample time applying online. But to no avail, we did not receive any calls. A month has passed since our so-called vacation, an HR personnel from an MNC in Singapore called us since we were referred by our friend. We were requested for an interview but we just can't go back and entertain, one interview. For me, that was not a good deal. I would only go there if I had 2-3 interviews, the least. Also, I was thinking that if I got the job, I still have Training Bond with my company that would cost half a million in Philippine Peso(yes!, I do!). So, I intentionally turned off my phone, having the battery drained and just plainly max'd out my credit plan, causing it to be unreachable. After a couple of weeks, my friend kept on asking me if they have reached me and I said I didn't. I didn't tell her of course for that matter. A couple of weeks have past and the HR personnel contacted my friend and set up a phone interview for her. She did the interview and was asked to go for a personal interview. After the deed, she got the job. There I was so excited yet sad that she will be gone in the office, I cried and wept as I thought I would be alone to face my challenges. So I went ahead and called the HR personnel and told her that I didn't received any calls from her. I asked her if the position was still open and it was not. In the dire need of a new opportunity, I found a promo fare in one of the local airlines and bought at a fair price. Days passed and the HR personnel called me up for a position. It was not with the same manager that my friend was hired with. So then, I just went on I tried. To my surprise, the interview was not normal. At first, the interviewers were very late. And to tell, it was that late that the first one called up an hour after the schedule. The second interviewer did join half an hour later than the first one. We did the interview, and to my astonishment, I kind of said it was a "so-so". I mean, I surely did my best and got drained afterwards. They asked me for a personal interview, and luckily, I purchased a promo fare ahead. So time went on until my friend and I went back to Singapore. Wednesday. It was the day I had my personal interview. I got the job.... but it didn't feel right.... It really didn't feel right... I met the two interviewers personally. Here's how the interview went. They were late for an hour(Yep! But I had no reason to leave because I was not the interviewer). They asked technical questions, and I told them the truth that I really am not into Java. All they wanted to know was that I was capable to understand and build some programming logic. And I did! They also asked me some logical questions like, "If I had a sock with no pair, how many socks do I need to get to instantly get the pair of the one I was holding?". I struggled to most of the logical questions but then gave them some logical answers that puzzled them because I used my Test Engineering mind and used scenarios(Haha! they didn't get it! or was it plainly wrong.. hehe!).
So the countdown to my last day at "Company Awesome" starts. I gave my resignation a week after I came home since my boss went on vacation. But I really prayed hard and made a decision and interpreted my feelings as a challenge. But they shouldn't have been. I should have listened to them. But then, I cried each day. I cried each day thinking that the place I'm heading does not seem to be right. It really isn't the right place to be. I really didn't like it. I know it can boost my financial dream, but it's really not the right place to be. Just not now. Then came the last day. Tears were flowing, hugs were blooming out of nowhere, well wishes, good lucks and farewell. That was the place that made me happy but not contented.
So, I went on to my next job. The first week was horrible. The first day was the worst! I got the message, "You will be fired since once you screw up even a bit!". Damn! I got challenged. My first Friday, was worst of all worst. "You are to finish everything in 6 weeks and you're already in a critical path!". Then, that's when it hit hard. Like I was dumped with a boulder. Since then, I tried to encourage myself. Finishing every reading material and understanding everything in a little time. Catching up with deadlines without overtime. Learning everything in a matter of hours. Learning two new full system in a week. That was fast! And trying to finish everything before the deadline. And still I did all those things, but to no avail. My lead didn't see the things that I accomplished. I got the impression that she did not want to hire me nor liked me at all. 2 months have passed, I raised the white flag. I set it off, talked to my manager and gave the letter. He asked and I just couldn't tell him everything. Since I don't want to change any perspective on how he saw how good was my Lead. I don't want to ruin his views. Just the week afterm he asked for a follow up and told me that maybe I just was not comfortable with the new environment. I told him, I'm the kind that does not equate happiness with comfort. There are times that when you're comfortable, you're no longer happy. And he jumped into conclusion that I might be homesick. Yes, I am, but it was not the real reason. I have decided not to tell it to him. Days have passed, the HR Manager called and set up a meeting. The day of the reckoning came. To my disappointment, the HR Manager, is again, L.A.T.E. Yes, Late! An hour plus another half an hour late. So I left. We rescheduled the meeting. It was the final day of reckoning. I was emotional. I hold on to my feelings but just couldn't. I blurted it all out. And He got everything. Days have passed and it seem everything to be final. I chose to stay for a couple of weeks. Yes, I really had to since they have to take a couple of thousands for the tax. I thought everything was done for.
One day, my Lead invited me for a coffee. I really don't want to talk to her. I insisted that I do not want to. But she was persistent, so I went. We talked a lot. She apologized for the words she used. The way she talked enlightened me. It was as if, it was God who talked to me and not the she-Devil that I knew of her. She gave a lot of experiences from hers and from her brother. It was a sign of relief. She was not mad. For a moment there, I wanted to stay. But I thought to myself, "If I stayed, wouldn't she use the incident to based it on my performance?". So I stayed with my decision, to pursue my resignation. The final week came. My Lead had a plan for a vacation on my last day. The day before she went out, she thanked me for all the things that I contributed and to all the things I have added to her experience. As to my Manager, he stop speaking to me after I handed him my resignation. That was the last time I spoke to him.
When I got back to Cebu, I saw my family and my favorite Aunt Lee. She comes to home once in a year. I saw my mom, who I immediately hugged, and my sister, who was smiling. I saw the man who kept me strong while I was there, my Love. Along with the family was my cousin, he also welcomed me back. They all missed me and got a laugh at the joke that the reason why I went back home is because of my boyfriend. I laughed with them and told them my story.
Time passed by and I kept on hearing things about me. Especially, when people always say "you were already lucky compared to others who would die for an opportunity you wasted!". A lot of people have been criticizing me.... A lot of things have been on my mind lately.-- Getting a job. Running out of money. Being a free-loader. And I'm the most stupid person on earth. Regrets, there were a lot!-- Yes, I was very depressed. I also thought, that my family hated me because I can't give them money. And maybe, it was partly true... I think. Well, I have to move on. With my boyfriend always giving me the strength and the pep talk about moving on, I really did. I got up and aggressively look for ways to apply for a job. Freelance, Employment-basis, starting my business(yeah, I got to that point). Luckily, a friend from Singapore helped me. His girlfriend forwarded my resume to their company. I got interviewed and got in!
Christmas was in the air! I started on the first week of December. Thank God! I was really grateful that all things have gone smoothly. I kept on thinking to myself, "God! Even though, I still feel regrets about making an abrupt decision, but the only thing I don't have a regret, is when I decided to come home."
That Christmas, the only thing I was thankful for, was for a very adventurous year! I learned life's journey the hard way.
The year 2011 was a year full of experiences. Life and it's challenges seems to have given me a jab. But no matter how hard it was, I knew when to raise the white flag. I know when to get up. I know when to ask for help. And I know, that there will always be help.
Those experiences meant a lot to me.
